Methodology · v1
How a piece earns the seal.
Reviews are only worth as much as the method behind them. So here's ours — in full, before you read a single verdict. If we ever change it, the version number changes and old scores get re-flagged.
The formula
Every piece gets scored 0–10 on six criteria. Each criterion carries a fixed weight; we multiply, add, and round to one decimal. That's the number on the badge.
Build & materials25%
Function25%
Cleaning & upkeep15%
Safety15%
Value12%
Design8%
Score = 0.25·Build + 0.25·Function + 0.15·Cleaning + 0.15·Safety + 0.12·Value + 0.08·Design
The bands
Approved
8.0 and up
Earns the seal. We'd put our own money down.
On the fence
6.0 – 7.9
Fine for some people. The review tells you exactly who.
Not approved
Below 6.0
We'd steer you elsewhere, and we'll say why.
One override: a Safety score below 4 caps the total at 5.9 no matter how good the rest is. We won't hand a seal to something we wouldn't inhale from.
The rules that keep it honest
- We buy the gear. Retail, anonymously, wherever we can. Anything supplied by a maker is labelled on the page.
- No paid placements, ever. A brand cannot buy a score, a seal, or a spot on the page.
- Affiliate links, disclosed. If a link earns us a few cents, it's marked — and it never touches the score.
- Same test, every time. Draw resistance, cooling, grind evenness and vapour quality are measured with the same setup so pieces are comparable, not just described.
- We publish misses. Low scores stay up. A rating system that only ever approves things isn't a rating system.